July 22 Wednesday – The Vagina Monologues

Art Appreciation 101

Today was our private tour of the Uffizi – totally worth it!

We had the loveliest Art Viva guide, Brenda, who seemed to adjust her style and tour highlights to match our super-fun group. Without a doubt she thinks we are the best group tour she has ever had. And she is actually the best guide we ever had. Not a wasted word …

There was SO much art and history to capture but some highlights:

• Brenda pointed out the vagina imagery in The Birth of Venus, and vaginas stood out from that point on..

• The beautiful story of the monk who falling in love with the nun who was modelling for his painting, the two of them running off together and him painting another picture using her and their son as models. (note: This was Brenda’s favourite painting.)
• People blocking our view and muscling in on our tour, and Sofia pushing one of them out of the way (go Sofia!)
• So many secret vaginas
• A midget painting for Jane!! (It occurs to me that we should have taken the picture of the back of Jane as well.)

• The painting by Verrocchio, da Vinci AND Raphael
• The magnificent Medusa shield that was actually at one time in use!!! She didn’t mention this, but the medusa is actually a self-portrait of Caravaggio.
• The Leonardo da Vinci (Risa’s favourite), Andi and Risa liked this one
• The round painting by michelagnelo showing his use of vivid colours, and the story of how he ended up collecting 150 ducats for it after the commissioner of the painting tried to rip him off.
• Seeing the “Secrets of the Museum:” room
• Seeing the secret passage to the palace, also from “Secrets of the Museum”

• A lot fewer marble penises than, say, outside in the piazzas
• Raphael and Bottecelli and their women
• Michelangelo and da Vinci and their men
• In response to me complaining about people who insist on taking selfies with the art and getting in the way of other gallery visitors, Chrystal napped selfies of her and I with several important works of art.

We had lunch at the apartment, eating the suspect turkey after two days in a  broken fridge, and since nobody barfed in the afternoon it must have been okay. Luca (not Sofia’s Luca) did stop by and tell us the fridge was turned down too low (NOT the problem, but that aside, it did appear to be magically working again – maybe it is tied to the switch for the hot water heater – which we also figured out and fixed by turning the switch back on).

We walked across the Ponte Vecchio in the afternoon, and we all decided that we preferred it at night. During the day it was just cruise-ship style jewelry stores. We did have a necessary stop for correctos on the south side of the river and just past the piazzo pitti, and decided to cab up to see the chanting monks at the San Miniato al Monte church. The church was very lovely, one of the nicest of all, I’d say, and we sat meditatively for a good 45 minutes before discovering that the monks actually sang 2 hours later than we thought. We decided to try another night …

The church was actually lovely. While we were there, we admired the lower crypt which was quiet and dark with lots of candles. Why is it that the most inappropriately dressed people are always the ones taking pictures in churches?

We walked back, stopped in a couple of shops, tried on some dresses. (Wait, Risa, you forgot the bar! Before the storm, there was wind, blowing sand all over our sweaty bodies. We went into a trashy bar for an aperitiv and sifi and ended up paying a cover charge just to have a drink). On our way to the dress shops, there was suddenly there was a lightning storm! And then … RAIN! OMG! 19 days of 38 degree weather and we finally have a teeny reprieve!

We (or more likely, i would have said Kinga, but in fact it was Chrystal who was tired of shopping) found a cute little restaurant for dinner, and tried a bunch of different pastas paired with some chianti. The owner was very funny about letting us know when we ordered incorrectly. He also got into some kind of bet or debate which we had to settle by telling him how you say “creme caramel” in English (answer: “creme caramel”).

The highlight was dessert when Andi ordered “Macadamia alla Lemone” while the rest of us ordered panna cotta, tartufa, and (cream puff pastry). When the owner brought out the desserts, he asked who ordered the fruit salad. The initial answer was a wishful “nobody”, but the correct answer was “Andi”. It turns out “Macadamia” was actually “Macedonia” and Macedonia in Italian translates exactly to “fruit salad”. Or del monte fruit cup. Whichever. Andi loved it. In fact, she asked that all deserts be fruit salad from now on. I think today was “Andi’s Day”! [I even drank an espresso in the afternoon which is extremely out of character for me but it was carefully laced with booze. (I’ve added a photo of said correcto!]

Back at the apartment, Lemoncellos, compliments of Sofia.